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True You Blog

It is difficult to trust the process

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I have been hesitating about writing what I am going through, well publicly that is, as motive is everything when putting stuff out there. A bad motive just stinks and a conscious person can smell the stench.

It is difficult to trust the process. I have to laugh as I have tried and failed so many times to explain to a new yoga student the process of purification. The process of purification is a good thing, but it seems like a bad thing, yet I am questioning that very process. My teacher has rolled her eyes at me so many times, "Helena, stop acting like there is a goal, an end point. It doesn't end. You cycle through and I hate to tell you this but you really haven't gotten that far." Spoken from someone who is in a place I can only dream of at this point.

She is right. I want it to end. I want there to be this point at which I am at the top of the proverbial mountain, victorious in my efforts (you can all picture that scene) rather than accepting the ebb and flow of the never-ending river of life. I want to trust what is bigger than me, bigger than this little drama we play out down here, bigger than my business or my bank account, but I don't. I do, but not with everything in my being. The only thing I have is practice. Yoga practice, not yoga perfect.

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The darkest place is under the lamp

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From the first week I stepped on my mat I wanted to open a yoga studio. I went home and told my whole family, “I’m going to open a yoga studio in Stockton!” My family probably rolled their eyes as this could very well have been just another tirade. I had no previous connection with the Stockton community and had only been practicing a very short time. To them it probably seemed off the wall, but when you are meant to do something you just know.

Yoga studio owners have the best intentions. We find this amazing modality that makes us feel pure and vivacious and we want to share it with the entire world. I did not go into owning a yoga school with dollar signs in mind. Not at all. I wanted to share my passion for yoga and I wanted everyone in my community to feel as amazing as I did and above all, to be free.

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True You

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When I opened the Bikram Yoga Studio in Stockton I was like Tarzan beating my chest, yodeling the Bikram name. I was so happy and so proud to have my very own studio and to be teaching the Bikram Method to the Stockton community. Well, that yodeling worked! The success of my studio was over the top. I loved the Bikram brand and the Bikram way. It all made sense to me. My strict teaching style reflected my passion for Bikram as well. I was described as militant one too many times, but I was flying high, my studio was packed, and the miracle of the Bikram series was working wonders.

It wasn’t long after I opened the Stockton Studio that I met my second Yoga Teacher. In a very short period of time I began to work very closely with her. Whether my students knew it or not, they felt the effects of my work as her teachings came pouring out of me in class. I was being taught yoga: Inner creates the outer.

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